Self-Worth Part 6
January 30, 2026
Self-Worth Part 6
When a very busy professor took time with me, it taught me a new way to view self-esteem. It became clear that receiving sincere regard doesn’t just build our own self-worth but teaches us how to build it in others. When someone values us and really listens, we absorb that attention. And we learn what it requires, what it costs in terms of intention, time, and presence. And we can ask ourselves, “Will I extend myself for the betterment of others?”
We have so many people in our lives besides our family and friends: the store clerk serving her hundredth customer, the maintenance worker, others who we walk past without seeing, and the child struggling to get their point across. They are all waiting for what my professor gave me: the profound message, “You matter.”
The subject of mattering leads me to reflect on the massive value of positive presence. One of the pioneers in the field of psychological therapy is Carl Rogers (1902- 1987) who introduced the therapeutic technique of “unconditional positive regard.” This is a core therapeutic condition in which the therapist offers the client complete, nonjudgmental acceptance and support, regardless of the client's feelings or actions.
This condition gives the person a safe space to explore and to move beyond the causes of their dilemma. It does not mean that the therapist condones all feelings and behavior but accepts them as the person’s way of dealing with life right now. Only then can the client move on to the next step: reviewing alternative ways of coping.
But we do not need a therapist’s credentials to create an accepting space between us and another. Just the fact that we are looking into their eyes, nodding with understanding, and listening without judging, are obvious indicators of our regard for them. The other person can relax in the space and can be who they really are. Only then can they be real, instead of a personage hiding behind a mask.
Except for the soul child years, we have had to wear a mask. But wearing a mask is counterproductive when our soul is calling us to be ourselves and express our deeper feelings and concerns. This is why creating safe space between us and others is essential. That space says to the other person, “You are significant. I see and hear you, and we stand on common ground.”
Though the final decision about our worth is up to us, we must have some reliable measurements of it. One of the best is the genuine positive regard we receive from others and that we give to others, unconditionally. But how do we do this? It is much easier when we are living in our soulality… the egoless way we relate to others. That way of relating says, “My soul meets yours.”
Spiritual practice: Take note of someone in your life who may not expect you to give them the time of day. Be present to them and notice the positive changes in you and them.
Self-inquiry: What would you be like to live in your soulality?
Prayer
Dear God, I pray to let everyone know that I see their soul, or at least that I am trying to see it. Amen
