Self-Worth Part 5
January 29, 2026
Self-Worth Part 5
You can see it in their eyes every time. It is that flicker of surprise when you actually stop and listen. It happens with the grocery store cashier who expects you to stare at your phone. It happens with the cleaning people who are used to being invisible. It happens with the neighbor who assumes you’re too busy to care. They’re so used to being overlooked that they are caught off guard by genuine attention. After the initial shock, however, they respond in kind. And in that moment of connection, something profound happens: their self-esteem increases simply because you noticed they were there and that they mean something to you.
The origin of the word “esteem,” is the French word “estimer” meaning “high regard.” When we hold someone in high regard, we highly value them. The extent of our value may vary all the way from respectful acknowledgment, engagement with the person, to admiration, and in some cases, adoration.
Even those who do not really know us can tell if we value them. Some examples are the store clerk, the person in the drive-up window, the mail person, or a casual relationship in the neighborhood. They all sense the level of regard we have for them by how we treat them. They know if we are seeing them or if we are going through the motions.
We have all experienced this: someone we admire is rushing between meetings, clearly overwhelmed, but when they see that we would like to have a moment with them, they stop. They look directly at us. They listen to our question. In that unhurried moment, we feel seen and heard. That’s the power of genuine regard.
I recall a professor in graduate school who was very busy. As a leader in his field, he was in great demand as a lecturer and writer. But regardless of his demands, he would always speak, engage, and ask about those of us who were his students. As one of those many students who considered himself a “nobody,” if someone I respected was truly engaged with me, if only for a moment, I always felt positively regarded. With this particular professor, the esteem he offered me took root.
We may not realize that we affect others profoundly by our sincere attention. But each time we engage with them, address them with respect, and listen to them seriously, we build their self-esteem. When we are confirmed and respected by those we look up to, we believe in ourselves more. We think, “They see worth in me, so I believe I have worth.” And the more validating and affirming experiences we have, our self-worth increases.
Spiritual practice: Who has been central in the development of your self-esteem? Have you passed on this talent by affirming others in the same way? What is your theology of self-esteem?
Self-inquiry: Why wouldn’t self-affirmation be enough for you?
Prayer,
Dear God, To believe in myself is one of the most precious gifts you give me each day. Thank you, because I cannot do that on my own. Amen
