Self-Worth Part 4
January 28, 2026
Self-Worth Part 4
She believed she deserved the abuse, until a room full of strangers taught her otherwise.
Some struggle with low self-esteem, while others fight to love themselves. Poor self-esteem becomes a problem when we judge ourselves and put more weight on our deficiencies than on our strengths and gifts. It is as if we size ourselves up by looking first at our shortcomings and ignoring the rest. But this doesn’t have to be the case if we are conscious of our self-talk. Self-talk is the running commentary we say to ourselves about us. The ego controls this commentary. It creates the narrative of who we are.
If our ego’s narrative depicts us as unworthy, and we buy into it, we inevitably talk ourselves into poor self-esteem. Paradoxically, our ego’s narrative can depict us in an inferior role. But why? Being the low person on the totem pole, the inadequate one, the mediocre or underperformer, the inferior person in the group, etc., serves the ego. It may be odd to view the ego as something that can capitalize on our deficiencies, but for many of us, that is precisely the case.
Some of us, ironically, embrace low self-esteem because it can be a perfect defense. Yes, our role as the one with the most deficiencies has several advantages. The first is that we may expect little of ourselves, and the second is that others demand little from us. We find that being deficient lets us off many hooks. It can be the ego’s way of giving us an identity, and it can be the ego’s way of gaining sympathy and even deference.
But others of us do not want poor self-esteem. We have something deep within that says we are worthy. This belief comes from our depths, our soul. I have had the honor of counseling dear souls with low self-esteem and watching them step out of that quicksand, as if stepping onto stairs beneath them. Yes, step by step, they pull themselves upward to see their worth. They seek inner harmony and self-respect. As they come to know their strengths and embody them, the soul responds by affirming and confirming their preciousness. This gives them the power to shed the negative self-talk that had been plaguing them, sometimes for decades.
One dear soul I knew stayed in an abusive relationship because of poor self-esteem. She was physically and verbally abused. When she joined a group therapy class, she began to trust her fellow group members. That was over ten years ago. I saw her recently, and she remembered every member of the group by name. She recounted how each group member contributed to her recovery. “If it had not been for their affirmation,” she said, “I would still be in that relationship, and likely would have harmed myself.”
Spiritual practice: List the sources of your good self-esteem. Can you list why you are grateful for each one?
Self-inquiry: What circumstance of yours may be due to poor self-worth in that area?
Prayer:
Dear God, For all dear souls who are struggling to love themselves, I pray. Amen
