When we do not want to forgive, we can pray for the power to do so. As reflected upon earlier, prayer can be a vital part of spiritual alchemy, that profound transformation that takes place in our spirit. Prayer changes things, by also changing us. By aligning with the Divine, our thoughts and intentions shift from an egocentric orientation to a soulcentric one; this is a game changer. 

None of us alive today personally carried out the great injustices of our history. We did not commit the genocide of Native Americans, enforce Jim Crow laws, or place Japanese Americans in camps. We did not enslave people as property. Yet, we all live in a world that in part, those acts created. 

Those who have been sexually abused find great healing in therapies designed for these specific issues. Over the years, exercises and techniques have been developed that move the client along to confront their fears, shame, anger, and hatred. Eventually, the person refuses to allow the perpetrator one more minute of robbing them of their happiness and peace. This is a turning point in this therapy because they see a way forward with freedom from the attachment to anger, which paradoxically binds them to the perpetrator. Forgiveness is the highest form of detachment and resolution. 

In my work with dear souls who have been abused, the issue of forgiveness comes up regularly. Many victims simply cannot comprehend how their parent or anyone could harm an innocent child. Many are victims of sexual abuse. The memories of this and the heartache it causes are profound, long-lasting, and in many cases, life-altering. The continuing hurt makes the abuse even more difficult to forgive and to put in the past. 

As reflected about yesterday, we need divine super qualities to do things we cannot do on our own. So, forgiveness and self-forgiveness require divine qualities of self-compassion and grace, which the ego and personal willpower alone cannot supply. This is done through a process of spiritual alchemy. 

The spiritual road to self-forgiveness takes its own path. When regret weighs heavily on us, we may try to make amends, but even then, guilt often lingers. Even when we know God has forgiven us, we may hold on to the guilt. What we truly long for is resolution within our own soul; we want to feel free and at peace again. This requires extending to ourselves the grace of forgiveness.

One of the most challenging forms of forgiveness is often self-forgiveness. When we cross a line and hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally, it is natural to hold it against ourselves. When it comes to forgiving, many of us are much harder on ourselves than we are on others.

December 4, 2024

We make peace with our pasts by giving ourselves a healthy measure of self-compassion and forgiving ourselves. However, this is not as simple as it may sound. It takes time to make peace with our regrets because we must excavate the layers of our guilt and remorse. So, in order to heal, when each memory surfaces, instead of condemning ourselves or being consumed with shame, we see ourselves as products of growth, as people who acted unconsciously, and as a human who, like all humans, falls short. After the sometimes-excruciating process of memory review, we are now in a position to ask for forgiveness from ourselves and then from God.

December 1, 2024

When a person says, “I want to redeem myself” or “Let me redeem myself,” they are saying they want a clean slate—they made an error and want to make it good. This means they need to do or give something to “even the score” as it were.