Forgiveness Part 4
November 6, 2025
Forgiveness Part 4
In my work with dear souls who have been abused, the issue of forgiveness comes up regularly. Many victims simply cannot comprehend how their parent or anyone could harm an innocent child. Many are victims of sexual abuse. The memories of this and the heartache it causes are profound, long-lasting, and in many cases, life-altering. The continuing hurt makes the abuse even more difficult to forgive and to put in the past.
The anger and hatred caused by abuse, especially sexual abuse, are raging, yet often repressed. People who have not opened the subject and worked on their trauma do their best by denying its severity or by rejecting it altogether. But the anger seethes beneath the surface. It is a constant source of anxiety and rage. Sometimes, other issues are the objects onto which we displace these feelings.
But if the dear soul is conscious of their anger and if the abuser is still in their lives, they may likely refuse to talk to or even be in the same room with them. This can cause family rifts and splits. And their anger is not confined to the abuser; it also goes toward those who they feel protect the abuser, deny the abuse, or minimize it. Other victims of sexual abuse may allow themselves to be around the abuser but find it excruciating or debilitating to the point that mental health issues arise.
Many dwell on the hatred of their abuser. Though the feelings of hatred are understandable, if they remain, they can contaminate all three intelligence centers and veil the expression of our soul and its pure qualities. The heart is affected by the stabbing wound of betrayal. It is the center of emotions and holds not only love and happiness but also hurt, anger, rage, and discontent. The mind is affected by the constant flashbacks and humiliations. And the mind’s neuropathways are altered and can lead to the onset of mental illnesses as a reaction to the harm caused. The body is affected by chemicals such as cortisol, which is released to react to the injury. The body can carry the hurt in various parts of the musculature, joints, or organs.
Why should the victim have to continue to suffer, even for a lifetime, from the abuse perpetrated upon them? None should.
Hatred is energy. Even if it is released, it returns unless we heal its source. If the source is abuse, then we need to forgive the root cause, which includes the perpetrator and all those who may have aided and abetted them. Sadly, the ego has a hard time with forgiveness. Forgiveness just doesn’t make sense to the unhealthy ego that thinks that hatred or resentment counteracts the helplessness, hurt, and humiliation from the abuse. Therefore, the ego can be aghast at the prospect of forgiving the abuser. To the unhealthy ego, forgiveness is counter-intuitive; it is seen as weakness and a tacit acceptance of the abuse and abuser. Hatred and revenge are seen by the unhealthy ego as no-brainers to defeat humiliation and hurt. They are the ego’s way to resolution. The problem is that hatred or violence never brings resolution.
The soul, however, is tethered to a higher source of resolution. It is uncomfortable with hatred; that is why we have the nagging feeling that hatred is not sitting well in our being, even if on the ego level we feel justified in hating. Hatred sits more easily with the unhealthy ego, but the soul is not aligned with hatred. It is here to burn away hatred, not to perpetuate it. It is here to channel hatred toward the cliff where it runs into oblivion.
Spiritual practice: Why is hatred a barrier to healing yet so seductive and seemingly natural? Journal about your relationship to hatred.
Self-inquiry: What state of consciousness were you in when and if hatred made sense?
Prayer:
Dear God, Yes, I have been seduced into hatred. I have justified my hating. I have thought of ways to fight back. Yet you have taught me this is not the way to freedom. I pray the hatreds that crop up are short-lived. Amen
