Forgiveness Part 1
November 3, 2025
Forgiveness Part 1
One of the most challenging forms of forgiveness is often self-forgiveness. When we cross a line and hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally, it is natural to hold it against ourselves. When it comes to forgiving, many of us are much harder on ourselves than we are on others.
The lack of self-forgiveness brings untold suffering. The ego thinks that relentless regret will somehow pay off the debt or even the score. But this always fails. The nagging guilt comes back in flashbacks or waves of regret and shame.
There are countless ways we can transgress our own standards. We may fail to live up to our commitments or values. We may entertain negative, mean, or aggressive thoughts. We may plan, say, or do things that we later regret. One of the passions, traps, or avoidances may get the best of us, and we may do things from those energies that we regret wholeheartedly. Sometimes our inner critic, part of our overactive super ego, paralyzes us in self-condemnation.
When regret arises, the ego may bear down on us to punish us, or conversely, it may rush in to rationalize its behavior. As a defense, it justifies, excuses, or blames: “If they hadn’t been so stubborn, I wouldn’t have had to act that way.” For a while, such rationalization may soothe us.
But if our regret is genuine, no excuse will remove its weight. Guilt takes hold, and it can be crushing. Guilt is a powerful emotion that forms in childhood, between the ages of three and six. At this stage, we learn that our actions are our own, that we have intentions, choices, and are responsible for what we do. If it is healthy, our holding environment teaches us which behaviors and attitudes are unacceptable. They explain why and help us recognize our behavior’s effect on others. From these lessons, we internalize principles that shape our conscience, empathy, and morality.
Self-forgiveness depends on how deeply we have developed our understanding human frailty, empathy, self-awareness, and self-acceptance. If we lacked these in childhood or grew up in a punitive environment, we may struggle with forgiving ourselves.
No family or society provides a perfect foundation, which is why spiritual growth is essential. At some point, we must go beyond the limits of our early environment and nurture our own soul’s unfolding. Self-forgiveness is not only a psychological task but also a spiritual one. It is deeply personal and tender, often requiring profound inner work.
Spiritual practice: How would you describe your superego or conscience? Do you find it easy to forgive yourself? To forgive others?
Self-inquiry: What reasons make self-forgiveness most challenging for you?
Prayer:
Dear God, Thank you for loving me even when I have shortcomings and miss the mark. Help me grow in the grace of forgiving myself, as You have already forgiven me. Amen.
