Reflecting on Everyday Things Part 5
April 11, 2026
Reflections on Everyday Things Part 5
It happens in ordinary moments. At the dinner table, a careless comment cuts deeper than it should. In a text message that stings. In a family gathering where we smile through veiled put downs or unconscious statements. When we replay it all and ask ourselves, “If I truly love them… why does this hurt so much?” Then we realize that it hurts because we love them so much. Then we may think, “Regardless, I must love unconditionally.”
Unconditional love is one of the most beautiful ideals we hold. It is to love someone regardless of what they do… and to love them when they misunderstand us, misrepresent us, or even hurt us. It is to love them when they cross the line, step over the guardrails, or fall short of expectations. It is the highest form of love: expansive, generous, divine.
But if you think about it, even unconditional love eventually has conditions. When pain becomes personal, when the wound cuts close to the heart, something in us reacts. Anger and resentment arise. Envy, revenge, even hatred begin to crowd out grace. In those moments, the prospect of loving unconditionally can feel like a ridiculous endeavor. It can even feel masochistic.
And sometimes the hurt is not small. Sometimes it leaves scars that never fully fade. Can we love unconditionally then?
The truth is this: we can only love to the extent of our capacity. We may not be able to love perfectly after deep harm, but we can stretch. To love beyond our natural limits requires something greater than willpower… it requires Divine strength. And sometimes that strength is needed to endure what we must endure, but also to place conditions on others’ behavior.
So, here is the paradox: unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance. We are not called to be doormats. We are not called to enable destructive behavior. We are not called to accept abuse in the name of being “loving.” We can say no. We can draw lines. We can refuse to participate in our own mistreatment. We do not endure abuse to protect someone’s feelings. We do not tolerate harm because we fear losing someone’s love. We do not accept mistreatment out of guilt or self-punishment.
In fact, refusing to enable harmful behavior is often the deepest expression of love. When we say no to what is unloving, we say yes to what is higher. We may be misunderstood. We may even be labeled unloving. We may be persecuted. But sometimes the only way to truly love someone is to make and keep healthy boundaries.
Consider Marian. Marian adored her son Art. He was kind, thoughtful, and a joy to raise. When he married Olivia, Marian welcomed her with open arms. But Olivia had a sharp tongue. If Marian said the wrong thing or moved in the wrong way, Olivia responded with cutting remarks and subtle humiliations.
Marian absorbed it all. She told herself, “If I love them unconditionally, this is what I must accept.” She stayed silent for the sake of peace. For the sake of her son. For the sake of love. But over time, the insults took their toll. Her body grew weary. Her spirit grew heavy. She began to realize that what she called love was slowly harming her.
And so, with trembling courage, Marian put her foot down. The conversations were uncomfortable. The waters were rough. But something powerful happened. The relationships were reordered. Olivia learned she could no longer take advantage of Marian. Art learned that love does not disappear when boundaries appear. This love had conditions. But it was not smaller. It was wiser. Stronger. Vaster. The greatest love is courageous enough to say, “I love you too much to let this continue.” And that may not look like it, but it is love in its highest form.
Self-inquiry: Who might you love without conditions, but silently suffer because of it?
Spiritual practice: Make a prayer to increase our capacity to love.
Prayer:
Dear God, I pray for the strength to love and to set limits in that love. Amen
