The Hidden Power of Loss and Grief Part 3
April 30, 2026
The Hidden Power of Loss and Grief: The Power of Grief in the Heart, Part 3
Our hearts carry a full range of emotions, some are directly experienced and others are pushed back or repressed. But emotions range from profound sadness, such as that experienced during the death of a loved one, all the way to the ecstasy experienced when our child is born. We keep all emotions in our hearts. But when loss floods our heart with unending grief, fear, anxiety, deprivation, uncertainty, and even meaninglessness, it can feel like a stab, like something ripped from our heart— or like our heart is darkened, or empty.
At the loss of our son Ben, fear, shame, and even anger poised to invade my heart. The gaping space that he had in my heart could easily have been filled by negative emotion. There were times I thought emotions of guilt, remorse, self-blame, and many other negative states of heart would capture me. But they did not. I am grateful for inner work and the sacred community for the restoration of my heart.
Eventually, I was able to feel this: “Whatever is left of my life, and whatever is given me to do, I will be there for it.” With my heart’s “Yes!“ to life, new emotions — feelings of affirmation, love, and support from others arose. I, like many, many others have for generations, put my foot down and refused to be a victim of emotional self-annihilation. When our daughter Lauren died fifteen years after Ben, the invasion of negative thoughts was not nearly as forceful because of the extremely supportive community we have with The Institute for Conscious Being, and for my inner work and grief work after we lost Ben.
For many, loss strengthens the heart’s endurance, the capacity to stick things out, to feel discomfort, and to persevere in circumstances that seem hopeless. No one can bestow the super-power of endurance on our heart because like any capacity, we are either born with it, develop it, or both. Sometimes it was “convenient” for me to believe people who said to me, “I do not know how you get through this. I can not imagine what I would do if it happened to me.” Such comments seemed to pave the way for me to cave. But thanks to others, my encouraged heart said, “I will take what I have to take, to keep meaning and love in my life.” In speaking with hundreds of dear souls who have traveled this path, their super-power of endurance kept their heart alive.
Another of the heart’s superpowers triggered by loss and grief is courage. Courage comes from the root word “cor,” which is Latin for heart, and “age,” meaning an “act of,” so courage is “an act of the heart.” A much earlier definition was “to speak one's mind by telling all of one's heart.” To heal from loss and grief, we must “take heart,” which is no easy task. Facing us are formidable “enemies” that can make us want to stay in bed and pull the cover over our eyes. Fear reaches into the heart during loss and threatens not only to steal our joy but to question our ability, even our right to go on.
At the outset of loss and grief, and for some, many months afterward, darkness, sadness, and emptiness loom over us, waiting to swoop down and devour us. Yet again, for many dear souls, the heart walks into the unknown and through suffering, with assurance. How is this possible? It is because of the super-power of the resilient heart. Because divine fearlessness empowers us when we are struck a tremendous blow, we can eventually bounce back. We may not bounce back into being the person we were before the loss, but we spring back into a restored life. Instead of buckling under the stress of loss and grief, a fierceness wells up in our heart to seize its perfect right to heal and to live.
Tomorrow, we will reflect again on the power that loss and grief give our hearts.
Spiritual practice: Take stock of your level of courage. Do you feel a fierceness? Journal about this soul quality of yours.
Self-inquiry: What most challenges your endurance and courage?
Prayer:
Dear God, Empower my heart to do what is mine to do and tell me what that may be. Amen
