The Hidden Power of Loss and Grief Part 2
April 29, 2026
The Hidden Power of Loss and Grief Part 2
The mind that suffers the deepest grief is also the mind that that same grief can greatly empower.
As one of the three centers of our intelligence, the mind is often the first place that the pain of loss takes hold. It is there that the intrusive, debilitating thoughts enter—uninvited, relentless, and heavy.
After our son Ben’s death, when those thoughts began to overwhelm me, I found myself drawn to something I had long known but now desperately needed: sacred space. I began making short retreats to nearby monasteries. Several monasteries in our region include retreat houses for those of us who come aside from our usual lives for spiritual reasons such as discernment, healing, grief, trauma, transition, estrangement, etc. For years, I had retreated to these sacred places from time to time, but Ben’s death made the nature of my personal retreat different. Now, the healing embrace of sacred community was essential.
In those holy places of retreat, I was held—held in silence, in prayer, in the quiet strength of spiritual companionship. I was held in sacred conversation, holy listening, and even in the beautiful music and chanting. Removed from the dis-ease of unproductive thought, and the weight of everyday concerns, on retreat my mind entered a different atmosphere—one not driven by escape, but by the need for deep healing… to be held.
Torturous, debilitating thoughts cannot root in a mindset of sacred loving peace. When the mind is grounded in something deeper, and surrounded by sacred kinship, it no longer cooperates with the force of despair. In that space, we touch a power within that feels both deeply personal and far beyond us. Whether I was held by the sisters or by the brothers, the power of sacred kinship lifted me above my grief so I experienced my loss in a new perspective that I could never have experienced alone. These beautiful servants of God held me until I could no longer hold the irrational thinking that I was somehow to blame for Ben’s death. Their listening to my anguish and their total understanding without judgment embraced my soul and transformed my mind, my heart, and my presence.
From this place, something remarkable happens. We drop self-pity and we stop clinging to illusions about what life owes us. We do not require that life goes along with how our ego feels it should —detached from reality. Rather, we become rooted in a deeper truth: that while life promises nothing certain, we are always held in something greater, the container of Divine love itself.
Those who receive the hidden power within loss and grief become more open to both the miraculous and the painful. They understand that life will bring both. Having lost much, they discover something unexpected: they can survive without someone who was once, and rightfully so, essential. Knowing they can endure a drought full of loss gives them a quiet strength, even more courage to face future loss. This also transforms us and turns weakness into strength.
Grief and loss increase our heart’s strength. When the strength comes, our heart takes us from the feeling of victimhood to the emotions grounded in wisdom, from self-criticism to self-compassion, from being trapped in oppressive moods to standing fully in presence. It is the courage to let go and to meet the moment as it is. It is the shift from being disheartened by devastation to allowing one’s true essence to shine. It is the freedom that comes from no longer fearing the judgment of others or of self-condemnation. We know beyond all knowing that we have embodied the deeper truth within: if held in a container of sacred love, the mind has the wherewithal, the strength, and even the audacity to awaken and heal by turning loss into meaning
I still go on retreats of all kinds. They are a part of my life. Sacred times in community at the monasteries during my grief were essential to healing my deepest pain.
Of course, not all loss and grief require a retreat to a monastery. But in all issues including grief, the sacred community can move us toward greater consciousness and healing. I believe that the sacred community at The Institute for Conscious Being is such a place. It is a place of affirmation, support, and searching. It soothes our minds and reminds us of the truth that we are loved, needed and wanted.
Spiritual practice and self-inquiry: What is the way you support your sense of hope for your future after a great loss?
Prayer:
Dear God, For the power of loss, for being held by others, and for the audacity of the healthy mind to say “yes” to life, I am grateful. Amen
