Our Private Selves Part 1
February 8, 2026
Our Private Selves Part 1
Welcome to this week’s series of Daily Reflections on Our Private Selves.
There’s a locked room inside each of us. We have already been in it today. Perhaps an intrusive thought flickered through our mind during a meeting, or we caught ourselves imagining something we’d never dare speak aloud, or we judged someone or something in ways we would never share. We all carry these hidden chambers, filled with thoughts and feelings that never reach our lips. They are the feelings we’d rather deny than explain or expose.
Over the years, in dealing with my self and talking with other people about this rarely mentioned subject, I realize that private thoughts and feelings echo in the chambers of all our hearts and in the depths of all our souls. Some may be called demons, others may be considered releases or creative outlets. We suspect that if we ever shared them, we might face judgment, rejection, or opposition. Or we may evoke something worse, like the shattering of relationships we hold dear. These thoughts are so private we might keep them out of our journal, or even out of our prayers.
These private thoughts and feelings encompass nearly everything that matters: ourselves and our impulses, other people and our judgments of them, the situations we navigate, and the relationships we treasure, hold sacred, dread, or endure.
They include our moral calculations, our political convictions, sexual thoughts, attractions and repulsions, impulses, our religious doubts and certainties. Hidden within us are our desires, all of them, even the contradictory ones. Within us are our hatreds… all of them, even those we’re ashamed to name. Our passions… all of them. And woven through it all are our private thoughts about the past: how we interpret what happened, which memories we regret, and which we relish in secret.
We withhold these thoughts and feelings because of their highly personal nature or the embarrassment they might unleash. Others do not share our exact experiences or worldviews, our particular assumptions, prejudices, and hopes. How could they? We are uniquely created souls and layered upon those souls are uniquely constructed egos that color everything we perceive. So even if we shared them, how could it be possible for others to totally understand our private thoughts, or we, theirs?
The truth is that deep down, many of these thoughts and feelings are illusions, distortions, projections, unrealistic hopes and fears that wouldn’t survive the light of day. Some are based on our memories. Nevertheless, when they have our attention, they affect our emotions and behavior. So regardless of how secret they are, they may as well be treated as real. If these private thoughts drag us down, seriously disturb us, or intrude into our general sense of peace, that is the time to embark on healing them. Spiritual direction, spiritually oriented therapy, and even speaking with a trusted confidant can be of great help in healing.
And some of our private thoughts and feelings are hopeful, constructive, exhilarating, and beautiful. In our private domain we entertain ideas and fantasies that others may judge as unrealistic or ridiculous but that we feel are fantastic, positive, and even doable. In this private self, we build imaginary places, activities, and relationships; we even make plans around how we can test some of our thoughts and fantasies. In our private self we may have a vault, but we also have a secret studio for creation.
This week we will explore the concept of our private selves.
Spiritual practice: Take inventory of your private thoughts by becoming conscious of them. What do you find yourself withholding from a conversation, or dismissing because it embarrasses you, or shames you to yourself? What might you be thinking about, planning and anticipating in your private studio? Do you find that only a few of your thoughts and feelings are private, or do you spend a lot of time in this area? How do your private feelings and thoughts relate to your spiritual formation?
Self-inquiry: What is in your fully developed conscious life now, that began as a private feeling or thought?
Prayer:
Dear God, As I take the journey of inspecting my private thoughts, let my intention be not to merely be aware of them, but to integrate them into my spirit. Help me find healing and wholeness in these thoughts and feelings rather than making them orphaned parts of myself. Amen
