The Inner Critic and the Beloved Part 2
June 10, 2026
The Inner Critic and the Beloved Part 2
What is the origin of our inner critic? And why would we carry its self-debasement and hurt with us everywhere? Why have we kept this unpleasant self-talk when it makes us feel so bad, so unworthy? The inner critic has been in us since our early childhood, when we developed it for our survival. It is part of what we call our ego, and we cannot do without it. The basis of the inner critic is the cautionary and punitive communication of our parents. Though their verbal warnings and even shaming were to keep us safe and accepted, we internalized their voices, only to echo them to ourselves. The inner critic is meant to keep us in line but can become a monster that completely distracts us from who we really are: the Beloved.
Understanding our inner critic is intertwined with the development of our ego and personality. Baby’s very first developmental task is to learn healthy trust and mistrust. Let us first look at trust —trust that others will provide what we need to survive. This capacity first develops around issues of feeding and holding. Both these expressions of love and caring are essential for life.
But because life is frequently thrown off course or glitches occur, the bottle or breast may arrive late. Hunger pains may come. We are uncomfortable because our diaper must be changed. We crave to be held and reassured. But sometimes no one comes. We cry out. We wonder, “Will I receive the bottle, food, and attention I need? Living with uncertainty while keeping hope alive is life’s proving ground for developing trust.
Trust instills hope and assurance—qualities that we must have for living healthily. We will rely on our capability to trust for the rest of our lives. And as life continues, we continue to learn how to trust. Life teaches us to ask: Can I trust my friend, my teacher? Can I trust myself, my partner, my God? Trust will be one of the mainstays and spiritual qualities that overcomes hurt, shame, and inner criticism. Trust is a fundamental quality of the Beloved we are. And a foundation of healthy trust is the largest deterrent to the inner critic.
In the opposite direction, we had to develop a healthy sense of mistrust. Life is uncertain. The caretaker may be delayed; there may not be time for them to hold us right then… When we do not get what we need, we must be ready to adapt, delay gratification, self-soothe, and manage our emotions. Healthy mistrust is also a quality of the Beloved, because the Beloved learns adaptability, self-compassion, and self-care. So, along with the capacity to trust, we must also have a healthy measure of mistrust that life will not always go as we wish. This is the capacity to live and thrive even when our needs go unmet. But sadly, those who begin life without their needs ever or rarely being met, learn to mistrust life itself.
Living in overwhelming mistrust makes it much more challenging to hope, to deal with shame, and to navigate our problems. Mistrust can include mistrust of oneself — and of life, and even of God. Unhealthy mistrust prevents us from comprehending and embracing our Belovedness. Unhealthy mistrust so disheartens us that we forget that we are cherished. We are susceptible to shame and self-doubt. We forget that we are the very ones that Jesus said of, “Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” (Matthew 6: 8) … and “Even the very hairs on your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10: 30) To realize we are the Beloved, we must understand our inner critic and transform it into a spiritual tool rather than a mechanism to berate ourselves.
Spiritual practice: How strong is your sense of being the Beloved? Make a list of all the criticisms you routinely thrust on yourself, then make an alternative list of the truth about these criticisms according to the qualities of yourself as the Beloved.
Self-inquiry: Why do we not first think of ourselves as the Beloved, but we think of ourselves in our deficiencies?
Prayer:
Dear God, Take me today, and show me my Belovedness… walk with me as I live in it. Amen
