Falling in Love Part 5
March 12, 2026
Falling in Love Part 5
Is it love, or is it losing yourself in someone?
Sometimes what we call love is not intimacy at all, but a powerful fixation that quietly takes over our inner life, our perspective, and our behavior.
The term cathexis is often used to describe certain kinds of love. Cathexis refers to the concentration of mental and emotional energy on a single person, idea, or object… sometimes to an unhealthy degree. In relationships, it points to an unusually intense attachment marked by hyper focusing on the other person.
One form of cathexis is when a person over-idealizes another, unconsciously believing they are the answer to lifelong longings. The loved one is imagined as the one who will finally complete them, meet every need, and fill every inner gap.
Another form goes beyond idealization into emotional dependency, which can become pathological. In this case, cathexis binds a person so tightly to the “love” object that they remain irrationally committed to an unhealthy relationship, sometimes enduring neglect, abuse, or ongoing risk. Though this may be called love, it is more accurately a cathexis rooted in emotional deficits and unrealistic expectations of a partner, family member, or friend.
Healthy love, by contrast, requires space. Allowing a partner, friend, or family member their own inner and outer freedom makes the relationship a living dance, moving toward and away from one another. This rhythm gives love energy and vitality. Each person is still an individual, free to develop their own interests and inner life, and therefore able to bring more of themselves into the relationship.
Healthy attachment includes genuine joy in the other’s successes, milestones, and spiritual growth. Expectations still exist, but they are held within a framework of freedom and empathy. In sorrow, each carries the other’s burdens; in joy, their hearts truly rejoice together.
Attachment itself is not the problem; it is a necessity of life. Without our earliest attachments to caregivers, we would lack the foundation for recognizing and relating to others as separate from ourselves. Attachment is healthy in all seasons of our lives. It is an extreme dependency that can drain the life out of both people.
Our attachment to God is another form of love that we will reflect on later this week.
Spiritual practice: Meditate on your growing-up years and the attachments that helped bring you into being. What did these relationships teach you about love?
Self-inquiry: To whom are you most closely attached? How healthy are these relationships? Is it love—or something else?
Prayer:
Dear God, Bless me in all my relationships. May the most vital one always be You. Amen
