Relevance Part 6
February 9, 2025
Relevance Part 6
Walking from my car to the recreational center, four thirteen-ish boys were standing by the bike racks, near the front door. They were talking animatedly. Amid their muffled conversation were spontaneous bursts of laughter. I told myself, "I remember those conversations when I was about thirteen or so — we were learning about ourselves, others, and life. We asked each other questions that we could not ask of our parents or adults. In those conversations, we ‘tried on’ different aspects of ourselves to see what would fly and what wouldn't. We listened to our friends’ stories, learned who they were and how we could relate to them, and we told stories of our own. And we laughed! Oh, how I remember those conversations”.
A curious part of me considered going up to the boys to join their conversation. But that wouldn't work…the minute I approached them, everything would change. They would wonder why an older man was talking to them. After all, having a conversation with me was irrelevant to them or it would most likely be an oddity.
I wondered why it was so awkward for an adult man to join in the teen boys' conversation. Then, it dawned on me that the answer was that I was not their peer. The things that matter to them are no longer what I can share in. And on some level, they know that. I solved those questions with my friends when I was their age, just as they are doing now. Anything I would say would not be relevant to their conversation. But why should age be such a barrier? They may not be aware of it, but I am more like them than they know—in fact, there is a teenage body inside me.
So, mischief got the best of me, and I sauntered over to the guys with a smile. "How y'all doing?" I asked. And they answered with polite "OKs." Then one of the youngsters asked me if I was a coach, to which I replied, "No, but I come to the gym here to work out and for exercise classes." We talked, and one of the fellows said, "It's great that someone as old as you still comes to work out!" I couldn’t help myself —I smiled. And with that remark, I was "in" their conversation. Instead of being an impediment, my difference from them had somehow become a gateway to being relevant to them. Though I am not one of them, they were surprisingly open to talking with me. I asked them some more questions about their bikes and skateboards, told one of my corny stories, we laughed, fist-bumped, and I went on my way. I felt good; like I had touched something deep within myself.
Then, a new thought came upon me: There is a teenage boy inside me, but these youngsters do not yet have a man inside them. I found today that the difference can be a great light in that their souls want to know people who are like the person they will one day become. But the cultural village has changed, and different ages no longer readily share in that manner, unless in families. But today, the difference is also a great light for me — my soul is blessed by the exchange with youngsters who, by being themselves, remind me of the boy I was. We are not irrelevant to each other, but rather, we need each other.
Spiritual practice: Have a conversation with someone much younger and not in your family. How would that conversation spiritually benefit the younger person? How would it spiritually benefit you?
Self-inquiry: Why would you want to be reminded of the various aspects of your being?
Dear God,
Thank you for the reality that the village exists even though we may sometimes be unconscious of it. I am so grateful to the young men I met the other day. Their beautiful souls brought me closer to my essence and to you. Amen
