The False Self Part 1
May 9, 2025
The False Self Part 1
Welcome to this week’s Daily Reflections on “The False Self.”
The 1990s British TV Comedy series, “Keeping Up Appearances,” is about Hyacinth Bucket, who wants others to think that she is a member of the upper crust. But the truth is that she is from humble origins and is ashamed of that fact.
She is driven to create the image of being well-to-do. For example, the surname “Bucket” may be ordinary, but Hyacinth upgrades it by using another pronunciation: “Bouquet.” And so goes her entire “falsely upgraded” life. In dress, accent, and manner, she pretends to be upper crust while forcing her long-suffering husband, Richard, to go along with her charade. Hyacinth is exposed time and time again, but she never gives up on her quest to be seen as a well-heeled socialite.
The thing that always upsets Hyacinth’s apple cart are Violet, Rose, and Daisy, her unashamedly deplorable sisters. It seems that when Hyacinth most wants to be seen as a wealthy member of the high society, one or both of her sisters appear. They are simply being their “lower class” selves and relate to their sister as one of them. But Hyacinth can’t stand being associated with the unrefined. It is so funny to see her pretending not to know the very people who call her sister. Hyacinth’s drive to be who she isn’t also affects her neighbors and friends. Everyone is affected by this expert in putting on airs.
What drives Hyacinth to be someone other than she is? Why is she ashamed of her humble origins? Why is this award-winning TV show one of the funniest and most watched of all British TV comedies? Hyacinth may be an exaggeration and a hilarious one, but she portrays the human false self. Laughing at ourselves is a great way to release uncomfortable feelings that we naturally get when we see our foibles.
The false self comprises various images that we think disguise us, and amazingly we tend to believe our own lie, until we are reminded of who we really are. Every time I try to cover my shame I evoke a form of my false self. This is a human phenomenon. Is the false self always a form of deceit that must be avoided? Or do we sometimes need it in order to survive?
This week, we will reflect on the false self.
Spiritual practice: Become aware of each time the false self takes hold. Be sensitive to the propensity for telling a white lie or misrepresenting the facts so that we appear better than we are. Why does the false self come so readily? What does it do for us?
Self-inquiry: When did you last cry? If you hid the fact that you were crying, was that your false self?
Dear God,
Raise my awareness and self-acceptance. I pray to understand all the sides of myself, even those that bring me shame. Ground me in your truth. Amen
