The Little Things - Part 3
March 20, 2025
The Little Things Part 3
Hospitality is one of the beautiful parts of life and it falls under Point Six on The Enneagram of Soul. Sacred Kinship is the energy of shared values and goodwill among people. When a guest is at someone’s home, it is often the little things that create hospitality. The small gestures, lively conversations, comforting words, heartfelt inquiry, the way we give food and drink to our guests — these may be little things, but they convey the all-important thing: caring, safety and honoring.
To be cared for in someone’s home is most special because the hosts invite us into their intimate surroundings where they live, laugh, create, love, cry, struggle, celebrate, and pray every day. Their souls do an incredible amount of inner work here. As their guest, we are in their inner sanctum and, therefore, experience what they love, their preferences, interests, the views from their windows, and even the colors and textures in which they live. We see everything on the outside of their fridge and sometimes get glimpses of what’s inside it. An invitation to someone’s home is an invitation into their heart space, even if they are unaware.
And in that inner space, our hosts cherish us. When we arrive, they greet us with affection, and when we leave, they bless us by having honored us. It is a shared reverence for life. If we are the guests, we are the center of our host’s attention, and they want us to enjoy the time together. As the host, if our guest’s glass is empty, we fill it. If another log needs to go to the fire, we place one there and sit to enjoy the warmth with our guests. We want them to tell their adventures, speak of the mysteries they explore, learn what they are curious about, and listen to their stories.
But having guests in our home is not the only time we give hospitality. Everyone with whom we speak is a guest of ours. Yes, we offer our time to everyone we encounter, provide them with space in our schedule, and give them a glimpse into our inner selves to greater or lesser degrees. We may not serve them food, but we serve them interest, understanding, camaraderie, advice, commonality, and empathy. We may not give them a place at our home table, but we give them attention, which tells them they have a place of honor with us. We may not have them for the night, but we have them now.
Recently, while talking with someone, I had not really listened to them. I hardly knew them and was preoccupied with an event happening all around me. In other words, for whatever reason, I was not being hospitable. In fact, I felt that they were wasting my time. When this dawned on me, I turned my body more toward them, looked into their eyes, and took in what they were saying to me. In doing this, my presence hopefully said, “Welcome, come on in and make yourself comfortable.” After I became hospitable, the quality of the interaction completely changed. We connected because instead of being unaware of this dear soul, I opened my front door, invited them in, and enjoyed the warmth of their presence. I have often been invited in and, as a result, felt warm and cared for. But if someone leaves me out in the cold, I feel insignificant, inferior, and cast aside. A good friend of mine was telling me about how she experiences feeling less than others and excluded. She said to me, “When this happens to me, I feel faded.”
In his book Reaching Out, Henri Nouwen described spiritual hospitality in terms of creating a free space where strangers can meet in God’s peace. For Henri, it was not about changing people but about offering a space for everyone to transform. He said that hospitality takes away the fear of judgment and reprisal; we emanate caring and safety in hospitality. He spoke about hospitality as a way to allow people to be themselves and to talk about life and God on their terms. He called this process “liberating fearful hearts.” In Christian terms he said greeting a stranger and all guests is to greet Christ. But he warned that genuine hospitality is sometimes very difficult because having some people in our inner space is not easy. They may be aversive, have differing political or religious opinions, or be self-absorbed, intrusive, boring, crusty, or obnoxious. Nevertheless, they are broken like all of us are broken. And the spirit of hospitality heals the brokenness of the world.
Spiritual practice: Ask your higher self to be more aware of the times when you are not present with someone talking with you. See what happens.
Self-inquiry: Why may it be hard to listen to and be present with someone whose opinions radically differ from ours?
Dear God,
For the gift of spiritual hospitality, I pray. Teach me how to be present to those who see the world differently. Amen
