Peace Part 5
August 29, 2025
Peace Part 5
Over the many years of treating wonderful people who have anxiety disorders, I found that by far, their anxiety was significantly reduced when they felt an overwhelming amount of love and self-confidence. We are scared and anxious when we feel we do not have the resources to meet our challenges. We think we will be a failure, unworthy, or be made a fool of, taken advantage of, criticized, or “fired.” Or we may feel that we will have a huge loss we cannot cope with, or a massive change in our lives we are unprepared to make. But most of all, we do not feel loved the way we need to feel it or love ourselves the way we need to. This collapses our self-worth and belief in ourselves.
In many anxieties, we tell ourselves the same criticisms we fear we will receive from others. A wonderful young mother could not drive her car, even around her town. When she got behind the wheel, she froze. Her underlying fear was that of feeling alone, unsupported, and incompetent without the emotional resources to manage her life. She did not feel enough love from others or herself because she “did not deserve” it. Not being able to drive symbolizes the paralysis of feeling unlovable.
In her heart, she knew her husband, two kids, and her parents loved her. But she had no self-confidence and unconsciously told herself she was not worthy of their love. However, she was able to get behind the wheel again when, over and over, she repeated a mantra she practiced in her therapy: the mantra was, “I am loved and lovable.” These words were paired with her imagining something she felt very competent in: needlework. So, each time she said the mantra, she imagined pulling the needle through the cloth and back through. Love, self-love, the act of doing something she felt competent in, all enabled her to drive her life again. This practice engaged all three centers of intelligence.
Spiritual practice: Contemplate and write about how self-confidence and love are related.
Self-inquiry: Why would we doubt the love we know is there?
Dear God,
I come to you on bended knee, praying for the ability to feel your love for me and the love of others. I cannot live without the connection to that life, dear God. And I ask that you give me the gift of loving myself. Amen
